Turn on the water and wait for the temp to come up. I jump in and as fast as possible soak my mop and off the water goes. Now I take my time shampooing. I then lather up with excess suds and I’m ready for water again. Rinse and the water is off again. At this point my fat ass is a little winded so I’m glad the bottle of conditioner is nearly empty thus light enough for me to handle.
After the conditioning goodness is in place on the raggedy string that poses as my hair the bar of soap is pressed into action. Working at a pace that would be admired by those driving on the salt flats it takes little time to be as slick as a cube of ice on a warm wood floor. I would take my time but without the warm comfort of water to distract me I am very aware of how ridiculous I look while naked. It seems as though the water is a veil that hides my made-by-beer and bad living gut that is sure to protrude to record proportions facilitating a need for a larger shower space. Not to worry though. With the water back flowing warm and eyes closed while rinsing yet again all is well in my wet and wonderful world.
Having the luxury of a shower head I can wield like a lightsaber all foamy residue is rinsed away from even the most stubborn areas. Then with the lightsaber back in its scabbard I take a few selfish seconds enjoying what a shower used to be for me.
I used to love the time spent slowly rinsing away the day’s accumulation of grit and grime. Listening to the calming cascade of water as it splashed on the walls and floor I have wanted to take naps. Stress and bad mojo circle and finally drain away in my own little isolation compartment.
Well, what the hell am I to do now. Water at a premium, electricity too, I now feel guilty if what was once was a sanctuary is much more than the time I would spend trying to solve an algebraic equation. Is this going Green or is it some weird self-flagellation in reverence to some cruel and sadistic deity?
Going Green, what a pain in the ass. How Green I would be if constantly bitching about George W was good for Mother Nature. How Green I would be if drinking beer, eating corn chips and convincing myself how funny I am was good for the environment. How Green I would be if the lack of a girl friend would significantly decrease the size of my carbon footprint. Don’t think that I couldn’t fill the World Wide Internets with more slightly amusing self-deprecating slogans.
I guess that since actually Going Green means sacrificing luxury or changing bad habits that it will catch on only when people see a neighboring town spontaneously erupt in flame and toxins. Anybody ever hear about a river that caught fire in Ohio? Chernobyl, any one? Exxon Valdez, anyone. Union Carbide, Three Mile Island, Eastern Garbage Patch. (More about the garbage patch later)
So, since when I think about our planet I think about an egg in the microwave oven, I take short, irritating and sometimes uncomfortable showers. There are a few good things about my sacrifice – I get to complain about something else, I get to feel superior to all other showing human beings. And, by the way, when I am standing in the shower singing my peeing in the shower song, while I pee in the shower, I imagine myself peeing in George W’s Cheerios.
1 comment:
Wow -, you have made me think about what an exhilarating experience one's shower can be and should be! Even if it has to be a fast one. In my house we have a ten-minute shower rule. Personally, I like to take baths. The soaking in the tub makes my muscles feel so relaxed, plus if I take a bath before bed, I sleep really well!! I like how you ended your shower ritual with imagining you are peeing George W's cheerios. I just can't foresee a worse President than ol' George!!!! Pee away!!
I will look forward to hearing about the Garbage patch later. I don't know about you, but I see a lot of glutton in America!! I can't imagine that I, or we, will have what our parents generation had. Just look at them driving across country in those gawd awful enormous, gas guzzling motor homes with a vehicle in-tow. Call me crazy, but I think it's too much!! I know they worked hard and now it's their time to enjoy the good life. But I also see the flip side of their gluttonous life. Many of those couch-potato, RV people are in real bad health and end up in the hospital with coronary artery disease and are on the fast track to a heart attack. And it's my back that's taking a beating!!! America needs to get off their ass, quit watching television and get back to a life of exercise, growing a garden and doing meaningful things. I absolutely am appalled at what is on TV today - DISGUSTING!!!! With the exception of a very few good educational channels, it's all TRASH!!! What happened to hiking, sleeping under the stars and climbing a big peak? We have so much in this country - it's almost unfathomable. I am grateful for living in a country with so much, however, I find myself choosing to live a more simple life. I don't want a huge house; I don't want a gas guzzling vehicle; I don't want a television; I don't want a motorboat, ATV or snowmobile and I don't want to buy the majority of food on today's market, which is controlled by a mere three food corporations. I don't want credit card debt; I don't want a bunch of kids; I don't want to work for corporate America!! I do want to build my little house with my own two hands; I do want to grow my own food; I don't want to work my life away. I swear, our system has it so our generation will work until we die and it's almost a given we will NOT see social security and it's almost a given we will not have the retirement our parents had. With all that said, I must say, overall I am grateful for being blessed with a really good life and have so much to be thankful for. I have found a way to make a decent life for myself without working all the time like most of my fellow Americans. Now I just have to figure out how to get a good, piece of land for cheap and build my little straw bale house and go as green as possible!!!
Thanks for creating this blog.
Love and Light,
Dana
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